How Much Money Would You Need To Never Watch College Football Again? The Correct Answer Is Much More Than $5 Million
Not a bad thought provoking question to discuss at the water cooler on this chilly Monday afternoon, especially if your team that played yesterday is like mine and blew another 4th quarter lead to fall to 2-3. I'd welcome any other topic to talk about right now than the abomination that is the Cleveland Browns. But before we begin, what is everyone planning on doing with their $250,000?
That number by the World Cup is like a teacher giving you a point for putting your name on the quiz. It's easy and obvious. A nicely tossed softball (which I'd take a one dollar bill to never watch that sport again) to start off with. I'd like to meet someone who would turn down 250K for an event that happens once every four years, and I'd proceed to drive them to a mental institution to get their brain checked out. And that's no disrespect to soccer, perhaps the most boring sport ever invented, but more so a fiscal decision. I don't know how many more World Cups I'll be alive for, but I sure could use $250,0000. Besides, if push really came to shove, I'd probably give up (continue to not watch) soccer for the rest of my life for an offer of about twenty-five bucks.
The Masters question is a little tougher, but I'll admit I'm not as big of a golf guy as Riggs and the boys. I could definitely do without golf, but I know there are some of you that eat, sleep, and breathe it. I respect that. However, what I keep coming back to is that this is one weekend out of the entire year. A half a million dollars for an event that happens over a four day span, once a year, is an auto-deal for me.
The biggest question, and probably the toughest of this bunch, is the $1 million for no more March Madness. I know I just said that the four-day out of the year event was an auto-deal, but here's a couple things:
1.) The first four days of March Madness are the best four days on the entire calendar. That is not up for debate. While the Masters is cool, you can plan around the Masters. You can nap around the Masters. You can go out to dinner with friends after the Masters. Not for the first four days of March Madness. You are either on the couch or at the bar from 12:00 first tip to 12:00 final buzzer. It's not a weekend event; it is the weekend. Every second of that Thursday through Sunday is spent on eating wings, drinking beer, gambling on sports, and living / dying through the ability of 18 to 21 year old kids to put the ball in the basket. PLUS, it is more than 4 days. We get the Sweet 16 / Elite 8 weekend, and then we get the Final 4 as well.
2.) One million dollars is not LIFE-CHANGING money. It is life-changing money, yes, especially for a little old public school teacher like myself. But it is not LIFE-CHANGING. I wouldn't even be able to quit my job for $1,000,000. So for that reason, I am turning down that offer to never watch March Madness again.
Next question, as for College Football, I'm torn. There are very, very.....very....few things I wouldn't do for $5,000,000. Take that however you want to interpret it, but please keep it appropriate you freaks. And unlike the one million dollar option, FIVE million takes me off the working man's lifestyle. Actually, come to think about it, I probably wouldn't quit my job. I would simply never talk to a coworker ever again in my entire life. Wouldn't even take the time to tell the boss I'm out. So after that part of the discussion, I'd like to think I'd take the $5,000,000, but what I'm struggling with is figuring out what I'd do on Saturday's from August through January if I couldn't watch college football.
I would say that if you made a pie chart of times throughout the year where I consider myself to be having "fun", 89% of them would revolve around college football. I would have to completely change as a person without college football at my disposal. My perfect Saturday is waking up, watching GameDay as I make breakfast, sitting on the couch, and not getting up again for the next 12 hours. What do you even do on Saturday's without football? Go apple picking maybe once, but what about the other 4 months? You'd be a unsocial loser. Your friends all at the bar watching the games, and you sitting at home counting your money. They say money can't buy happiness, and now that I think about it, this might be the perfect example of how it can't. I'd quit watching the NFL, NBA, MLB, and/or College Basketball for $3 million, but I'm calling $5 million for never watching college football again a......no deal. My number would be $20 million, a number that is so extravagant to the common man that I don't think you can turn it down.
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TL;DR
Never watch the World Cup again for $250,000? DEAL
Never watch the Masters again for $500,000? DEAL
Never watch March Madness again for $1,000,000? NO DEAL
Never watch College Football again for $5,000,000? NO DEAL